Bring a pot of water to a boil. Cook the noodles for 3 minutes 45 seconds (45 seconds longer than the Wu-Mu package suggests gives a better texture for cold noodles). Drain, rinse under cold running water until cool, then ice bath for 30 seconds and drain well.

Mince the garlic into a small heatproof bowl. Heat 3 to 4 tablespoons of neutral oil in a small saucepan over medium high until it shimmers and just starts to smoke. Spoon enough hot oil over the garlic to just cover it (about 1 to 2 tablespoons). The rest stays in the pot.

Shake the sesame paste jar hard before opening. Scoop into a mixing bowl with the peanut butter and stir loose. Whisk in the soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame oil, honey, chili crisp, and bloomed garlic with its oil. Thin with cold water 1 tablespoon at a time until the dressing pours like heavy cream.

Toss the drained noodles with three quarters of the dressing.

Divide the noodles between two bowls. Top each with a halved soft boiled egg, julienned cucumber, scallions, sesame seeds, and an extra spoonful of chili crisp. Drizzle the remaining dressing over the top. Serve immediately.